Happy 4th Birthday Inner Space!
I have taken several glorious leaps of faith in my life. Four years ago, I took a bold brave courageous move, to leave the yoga community that I co-founded and created and operated for 12 years, and venture into a new frontier. It had been clear to me for a while that it was time to make a giant shift in the alignment and structure and set up of how and where I held space for community. It was time for me to move out of other people’s idea of what and how I did my work and consciously create my own way.
In 2012, there was much transition in the world. The time that had long been predicted to bring change to the earth and its inhabitants was here. And change things did! Globally, personally, and drastically. Those of us in the Anusara Yoga community got to watch our long time teacher “ignite the center” and throw himself into the flame pit. And the unraveling that occurred in the community. It created a potent opportunity, that closely aligned with what I have been shown and experienced.
Core Living – a way of tuning in to the ancient wisdom and the building blocks of life – and a method I had immersed myself in and closely aligned with - showed me how to keep attention focused in my own personal power and move into the confident state of being ONE. This outlook on life showed me clearly that the core is the place of personal power, the eye of the storm – the place of calm, serenity and certainty. I knew for myself that I had to make a shift in my own yoga practice and how I taught yoga. Jen and I co-created Soul Centering – a combo of attention and energy and longevity practices we learned via Core Living.
Anusara was all heart based, and while the heart is a beautiful space to operate from, it has stickiness and threads that can be clearly seen when you go to core first and then connect to your heart space. Seeing the threads is the way to clear them. If you have been to my classes or workshops since 2011 or so, you know the shift I am speaking of.
My husband and I were planting seeds to grow a new family member, and I had a repeating dream that I was pregnant, in labor, and was getting called down to the yoga studio to unjam the printer and/or unclog the toilet. I screamed out (in my dream) – "I am supposed to be having this baby now, I can’t have the baby if you keep calling me down here for these mundane things!! " We were also facing a new round of commercial lease negotiations, in which our landlord wanted to raise our rent (again). Running the studio was a labor of love for us, and a deep financial commitment for my family, with tons of hours of office and computer work, with no tangible reward (beyond the honor of folding space for the community). My soul sister co-creator and business partner and I sat down and got real with each other. We wanted and needed a shift. We needed to do it differently.
In the summer of 2013, I transferred ownership of the yoga studio I co-founded in 2004 to my then office manager, in exchange for the ability to retain the mailing list and student contact base, and the first choice of teaching slots for classes and workshops, and my ability to rent a section of the space for my Inner Space Journey work. After a few months of the new ownership structure, the new owner became incommunicative. Would not schedule me for classes or workshops. Would not return calls or emails. When I offered to just rent space from her and run my own events, she made it clear she was not interested in me being there anymore, in violation of our written contract and a betrayal of the generous spirit of the agreement we had made.
I was faced with a choice, to move on gracefully, or to dig in and reclaim a place there. The implosion of Anusara and the heart centered mayhem that enveloped the community certainly showed me what NOT to do. ;-) My best bud was still teaching there. All my friends and colleagues and beloved students called it home. The most enlightened thing to do was to shape-shift with grace, and use it as the opportunity it was and still is, to do it differently. I could have easily “blown the place up” with a single e-mail to my people, but that was clearly the low road. I wrote an email to a small core group of inner circle yoga friends letting them know where to find me, and made my move. As I wrote in that inner circle email, I loved it enough to let it go with grace, I respected myself too much to settle for less than awesome.
I made a clean clear separation. My strongest yoga practice EVER (with exception of becoming a mother and birth of my kids) has been to move forward in light and grace and exquisite beauty. I have – not even once- looked on that studio webpage or facebook page. Forward motion! This is the first time I have publicly said or written anything about it. It was and is important to me to wait until I had transmuted that anger, sadness, betrayal and devastation I felt at the process. I had to wait to speak until I was truly neutral and even grateful for the process. 4 years later, I’d say I have done a great job, and I am full of gratitude every day. I am happier than ever. I am offering innovative, cutting edge, in depth studies on the place where science, spirituality, cosmology, and ecology meet.
The creation of Inner Space has been entirely amazing and in the flow. I found a new place to rent to offer Inner Space Journeys. It was lovely, and right down the road from my son’s school, making it easy on my family. I had outlined a series of workshops for Fall of 2013, working with the Elements of Life, and the last class, which I taught on December 8, 2013 was entitled “Inner Space” – working with the element of space/akasha. What a fitting sendoff. When I planned the workshop series I had no idea I would be opening a new biz with that name. Or did I? ;-)
And speaking of “in the flow” – those seeds were lovingly planted for a few more months, and lo and behold – I was graced with a baby – whose due date was – December 8, 2014. She turns three next week, and our family is so happy she made it to us to complete our polygon of love!
If you have the inkling that things need to change in your life, if you are seeking courage or fire to initiate the change, let me tell you here from the other side – JUST DO IT. If you are in alignment with your highest good, all will work out perfectly. The universe will support you, and you will be oh so glad you did!